


hold on, i still want you (come back, i still need you)

by Potterology



Series: lavender & velvet (you know all the things i like) [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Character Death, Emotional Turmoil, F/F, Gen, honest goodbyes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 21:25:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13983630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Potterology/pseuds/Potterology
Summary: Kara and Lena say goodbye. "Alex thinks, with the heaviest of hearts: how do you kill a god? Take away everything which makes immortality worth keeping."





	hold on, i still want you (come back, i still need you)

**Author's Note:**

> i got emo. forgive me. catch me @rhaegaring on tumblr.

Alex and Lena rush through, a harried group of civilians trailing behind with a murmur of fear mixed with relief; they are alive and it is enough, for now. Alex takes charge of ushering them through the Kara-shaped hole she left in a rush earlier, while Lena dips behind the elaborate console Lex manufactured.

“I can keep the power grid open from here,” she says, hands already fluttering over the hardware at top speed. Alex takes only half of it onboard, stopping only when she hears Lena mutter to herself. “It should be enough…” 

“Enough what?” she turns away from the last of the group and frowns at Lena across the chamber. Lena doesn’t look up, determined and jaw set.  

“Enough time for you and Kara to get the last of these people, and get the hell out of here.”

The mountain rumbles around them in warning. The self-destruct had been Lex’s parting gift, a distraction for the sidekicks while _Supergirl_ ran around trying to save the incredulous number of kidnapped aliens, each stowed in the various chambers of the elaborate underground system of vaults. Lena had wanted to roll her eyes: _and they say I’m dramatic_. 

Alex isn’t shakeable though, and her frown gets deeper. “With the switchboard down, there won’t be enough time for you to foll--” She halts mid-sentence. A deep, angry pink colours her cheeks.

Both women are rooted to their respective sides of the room; an unstoppable force and an immovable object. A flicker of wonder between them as their eyes meet over the console: is this always how it was supposed to happen? There’s only one person on their minds and the brutality of it all feels so much like an art form, an outsider might cry just thinking about it. Alex thinks, with the heaviest of hearts: how do you kill a god? _Take away everything which makes immortality worth keeping_.

 “You’re not coming with us, are you?” a tentative question leaks into the air and Alex can’t force herself to look away from a dead man walking. Lena’s eyes sink back to the console.

“Someone has to stay. It’s the right thing to do.” She’s right and they both know it. Alex flinches; the dawn breaking on the horizon.

“It doesn’t feel that way.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

_**Thwip!** _

Kara appears in a blur, sweating in exertion, with a man who stumbles out of the circle of her arms with a shaky smile. He disappears down the tunnel after the others and then it’s just the three of them left staring at one another. The tension chokes Alex like wildflowers have started growing from her lungs, the thick scent of heavy clay and Lena’s perfume invading her senses. From this moment on, for the rest of her life, she will forever associate _Trésor Midnight Rose_ with the cloying smell of death.

Kara grins in victory.

“That’s everybody! Time to get the hell out of her. Lena, can you help Alex? I’ll go ahead and make sure the path is clear --” The triumphant expression falters, then slides away completely as Kara takes in the tightness of Alex’s shoulders and the pain lurking in her eyes, the kind which has nothing to do with twisted ankle she’s sporting. “What?”

Alex shakes her head. “Nothing. Go ahead. We’re right behind you.”

It’s a lie. A big one. A disgusting one, making her stomach roll at the idea of having to face Kara in the wake of it. Emerging without Lena; having to tell her little sister she’s gone? It’s an impossible task.

The line between Kara and Supergirl blurs.

Lena breaks the short silence and Alex coups up the sigh of relief tightly.  “We’ve delayed the bomb, yes, but it’s not a fix. It’s still going to go off and when it does, the explosion will vaporise whoever’s left in the immediate vicinity.” Kara looks ready to interrupt, but Lena holds up a hand to stop her. “—and with the amount of Kryptonite Lex has packed into this place, that means you too.”

“—I’m fine!” Kara says, indignant but Lena just fixes her with a don’t bullshit me glare. 

“You’re sweating,” she replies, matter of fact. It’s true. There are little beads starting to cling to Kara’s temple and her hands are shaking from the effort of using her powers. “You need more time to get these people and Alex to safety. By rerouting the power grid, I can give you that.” 

Kara nods, not quite willing to arrive at the same platform Alex and Lena are waiting. “Okay, well, we can call Winn, he can work his magic --” Her voice fades off. Lena sighs.

“He can’t hack into this remotely. I don’t know how Lex did it, but it’s – a dead man’s switch, almost. Someone has to be on this end.”

“No.”

Kara stands stuck somewhere between Kara Danvers and Kara Zor-El. Two steps, then another three and she’s stood as close to Lena as she dares.

“Supergirl…” Lena starts, eyes sliding shut.

Kara’s voice breaks on the protest, hands ringing eyes flashing hot as they well with angry tears. _This isn’t how any of this is supposed to go_ , she thinks. Rao has never looked upon her kindly, an entire life lived as a burden to her family or her friends or her damned race or her planet, but she has endured it. Suffering was a price she could pay, but the exchange was becoming less and less worth it with every passing loss.

“No – no! I am not letting you sacrifice yourself for him – I am not – this is not happening --”

Lena’s eyes snap open, irritated. “Supergirl, we don’t have time for –” But Kara is adamant.

“—you can just ask me to let you die!”  

Alex is about to step in when Lena’s resigned, quiet voice cuts once more over them all: “Kara.”

They all freeze.

It floats up between them, this unspoken thing that has always been between them. When their eyes meet, it’s Lena’s which say _there’s enough here for you to feel some sort of obligation to me. Make it easy on me._

“The world needs Supergirl far more than it needs Lena Luthor.”

It’s a sad statement. Lonely, full of longing and futile impotent anger for an unloved little girl, with a vicious desire for validation and a thrilling intelligence put to work in proving herself worthy. Lena has always hated the feeling of neediness. It’s vile. Violent.

Kara swallows back a lump.

“And what about what _I_ need?” _I need you. Please don’t make me do this._ Alex is forgotten for the moment and for once, she wishes more than anything they weren’t the people they were. Lena’s eyes lock on the ‘S’ chest plate as Kara’s voice comes out so low, she almost doesn’t hear. “I can’t lose you, too.”

It breaks the dam.

Shatters it, really. The quiet thing? The unspoken, the thing neither of them seemed willing to acknowledge (Kara, in the wake of losing Mon-El twice over in violently different ways; Lena, forever teetering on the edge of fear) rises like a tidal wave and there’s no escaping it.

She kisses Kara. A bare hint of a kiss, in comparison to the vivid fantasies she has wasted too many hours on, and sweet and too short. The lightest brush of a mouth, too short to take into account much more than a soft warmth and the shining brilliance of Kara Danvers. It hurts like a bruise, though, no matter how good it might feel.

It’s the sort of kiss, Lena realises too late, that might have been a beginning if it wasn’t so much of an end.

“I always wanted to do that,” she whispers back, thumb lightly catching on a sharp tip of the plate.

A loud beeping interrupts the moment. Lena turns back but Kara is rooted, them both a little heartbroken and a lot trying to keep it together. Kara looks, Alex realises, as if she’s being forced to watch Krypton die all over again. She can’t give them anymore time and forces herself to clear her throat. “Kara. Kara, we have to go.”

There is no response and Lena flutters back over the console. “Go save the world, Supergirl.”

The name change does the trick and Kara steps backwards to Alex, eyes unable to wrench from the brunette struggling to keep back tears. There are a hundred different scenarios playing out in her mind, calculations of velocity and strength and what the chances are of a fragile human body withstanding a blast of this predicted magnitude, if Kryptonite dust would really be so unbearable and _whatifwhatifwhatif_.

Alex swallows thickly. “I’ll signal when we’re out of the radius.”

Lena nods but doesn’t dare look up.

Kara is tugged out but fights her sister’s grip just long enough to plant her feet, gaze off centre and eyes harder than ever.

“I wanted to save you,” she grinds out, breath hitching. “I _still_ _want_ to save you. From this, from your family. And I am just – so mad at you and so happy we got to know each other, because I wouldn’t --” Shaky inhales. “—I wouldn’t do a second of it any different. You are my favourite, _favourite_ thing.”

Kara and Alex leave, drowning on dry land.

 

-

 

 


End file.
